Etiquette, kids not mutually exclusive

Program teaches young children, teens proper table manners, conversation.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

By SUSAN KALAN

The Express-Times

The relatives arrive and hugs and kisses are exchanged. The Thanksgiving turkey is placed as the centerpiece on the holiday table. The hostess beckons for all to enter the dining area and take a seat for a prayer of thanks.

But what begins as peaceful fellowship turns into a playground of horror as a food fight erupts before dessert is even served.

You guessed it -- the kids are bored and uncomfortable with the conversation and are calling out for attention.

What's a hostess to do?

Brought down to kid level, if the video-game kids of today are shown in advance that dinner parties actually can be viewed as a form of instant messaging -- which is what they can relate to -- a good exchange of conversation will hold up between all guests at the dinner table.

So believes Teresa Kathryn Grisinger Reilly, director of Etiquette Lessons and author of a book by the same title to be available at Barnes and Noble in December. Etiquette instruction in the classroom/dining room can produce results that will last a lifetime, says the mother of two.

The New Port Richey, Fla., resident is introducing her etiquette program to the Northeast for the first time this weekend at the Blakeslee (Pa.) Inn. Titled "Girls and Boys at the Table," the program is designed for children ages 5 through 11 with an advanced session for teens 13 through 19. A five-course lunch is included in the program. Each "graduate" will receive a Certificate of Achievement.

Reilly describes herself as a "seventh-generation American" who learned etiquette as a child from her aunt in San Francisco. A former advertising and instructional systems designer on the West Coast, she says she became involved in "goal-oriented activities" with raising her children and serving as a Girl Scout troop leader and Blue Ribbon School organizer.

Currently pursuing a master's degree in arts and education through an online university, with emphasis on curriculum and instruction, Reilly says she created the etiquette lessons program over the past five years. The program has since become the basis for her work in elementary, middle and preparatory school classrooms and other venues for the past two years.

Reilly explains that every family has an etiquette tradition and that we are taught the basics from early childhood. Family mealtime at home, she says, provides the repetition of corrections and reminders which keep us in training. She believes lessons only help to reinforce those time-honored traditions.

"Even heads of state meet and discuss foreign affairs with these rules of etiquette and protocol," she says.

Her etiquette program includes the Place Setting Rhyme (which she won't divulge in this interview), the History of the American Culture Time-Line, exploring ethnic groups and their contribution to food, and the American Cotillion -- Beginning Ballroom Dance Lessons for the waltz and rumba. The latter she calls "a return to dance," with credit to her teen years when she was recruited by the San Francisco Ballet but chose not to professionally pursue a dance career.

How do you use a napkin or eating utensil? What's a bread plate? How do you dress for dinner?

Reilly presents a "safe space" for youngsters in her program as they tune in, along with their peers, on place settings, being seated before a meal, how to eat different foods, and responding to invitations, making introductions and writing thank-you notes.

"They're all coming out of the room with the same experience," she says.

And, yes, there are tips on how to remember names of guests and jokes to bring along for party conversation.

Says one middle-school parent volunteer who experienced Reilly's program: "Only one out of 75 students knew how to set the table before I told them the correct way."

For grades 6 to 12, the program offers a hands-on approach with all of the above, plus selecting and ordering food, including tipping, conversation and communication (telephone and e-mail etiquette), dressing for dinner (from head to toe), and dance floor etiquette, or beginning ballroom dance.

"Children need to develop conversation skills and make good dinner conversation. That's how we become charming people," says Reilly. Susan Kalan is assistant features editor for The Express-Times. She can be reached at 610-258-7171 or by e-mail at skalan@express-times.com.




Etiquette, kids not mutually exclusive Program teaches young children, teens proper table manners, conversation. Sunday, November 14, 2004 By SUSAN KALAN The Express-Times The relatives arrive and hugs and kisses are exchanged. The Thanksgiving turkey is placed as the centerpiece on the holiday table. The hostess beckons for all to enter the dining area and take a seat for a prayer of thanks. But what begins as peaceful fellowship turns into a playground of horror as a food fight erupts before dessert is even served. You guessed it -- the kids are bored and uncomfortable with the conversation and are calling out for attention. What's a hostess to do? Brought down to kid level, if the video-game kids of today are shown in advance that dinner parties actually can be viewed as a form of instant messaging -- which is what they can relate to -- a good exchange of conversation will hold up between all guests at the dinner table. So believes Teresa Kathryn Grisinger Reilly, director of Etiquette Lessons and author of a book by the same title to be available at Barnes and Noble in December. Etiquette instruction in the classroom/dining room can produce results that will last a lifetime, says the mother of two. The New Port Richey, Fla., resident is introducing her etiquette program to the Northeast for the first time this weekend at the Blakeslee (Pa.) Inn. Titled "Girls and Boys at the Table," the program is designed for children ages 5 through 11 with an advanced session for teens 13 through 19. A five-course lunch is included in the program. Each "graduate" will receive a Certificate of Achievement. Reilly describes herself as a "seventh-generation American" who learned etiquette as a child from her aunt in San Francisco. A former advertising and instructional systems designer on the West Coast, she says she became involved in "goal-oriented activities" with raising her children and serving as a Girl Scout troop leader and Blue Ribbon School organizer. Currently pursuing a master's degree in arts and education through an online university, with emphasis on curriculum and instruction, Reilly says she created the etiquette lessons program over the past five years. The program has since become the basis for her work in elementary, middle and preparatory school classrooms and other venues for the past two years. Reilly explains that every family has an etiquette tradition and that we are taught the basics from early childhood. Family mealtime at home, she says, provides the repetition of corrections and reminders which keep us in training. She believes lessons only help to reinforce those time-honored traditions. "Even heads of state meet and discuss foreign affairs with these rules of etiquette and protocol," she says. Her etiquette program includes the Place Setting Rhyme (which she won't divulge in this interview), the History of the American Culture Time-Line, exploring ethnic groups and their contribution to food, and the American Cotillion -- Beginning Ballroom Dance Lessons for the waltz and rumba. The latter she calls "a return to dance," with credit to her teen years when she was recruited by the San Francisco Ballet but chose not to professionally pursue a dance career. How do you use a napkin or eating utensil? What's a bread plate? How do you dress for dinner? Reilly presents a "safe space" for youngsters in her program as they tune in, along with their peers, on place settings, being seated before a meal, how to eat different foods, and responding to invitations, making introductions and writing thank-you notes. "They're all coming out of the room with the same experience," she says. And, yes, there are tips on how to remember names of guests and jokes to bring along for party conversation. Says one middle-school parent volunteer who experienced Reilly's program: "Only one out of 75 students knew how to set the table before I told them the correct way." For grades 6 to 12, the program offers a hands-on approach with all of the above, plus selecting and ordering food, including tipping, conversation and communication (telephone and e-mail etiquette), dressing for dinner (from head to toe), and dance floor etiquette, or beginning ballroom dance. "Children need to develop conversation skills and make good dinner conversation. That's how we become charming people," says Reilly. Susan Kalan is assistant features editor for The Express-Times. She can be reached at 610-258-7171 or by e-mail at skalan@express-times.com. Copyright 2004 PennLive.com. All Rights Reserved.